You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
