It's like God shit irony all over that family
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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