I bet he comes in French.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
