Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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