Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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