Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize