No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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