She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
