we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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