Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
