I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
