it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
