He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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