i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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