i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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