i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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