i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't deserve a penis
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I believe in your delicious
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
