She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
