I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize