goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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