i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
