Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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