I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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