she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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