There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
