Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
