It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I looked at my own cervix.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
