it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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