oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize