I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
