Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
