White coat. Heels.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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