Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
