So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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