Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Every concussion has its silver lining
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
