"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
