I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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