I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
