From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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