The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
