All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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