I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
