well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
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I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
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The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.