My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!