I need help removing her.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
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I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
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Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.