i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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