I need to stop coming to work sober
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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