bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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