I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
