Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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