My brain says no but my pants say off.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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