Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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