I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
