For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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