I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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