My first STD was from a foam party
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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