The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
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My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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