Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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