my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
