maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
