literally had 100 drinks last night.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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