Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
