Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
