i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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