Who wears a wallet chain?!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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