I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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