His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
