I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
