i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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